Creating High Self-Esteem in Your Boys

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Nowadays, we’re living in world where boys are being nurtured to be just as emotionally open, expressive, and in tune with their feelings as girls… yet, there’s still a long way to go when teaching boys the emotional strategies to overcome low self-esteem and love themselves for who they are.

See, with the remnants of the “boys don’t cry” and “stiff upper lip” culture still lingering in our consciousness, it’s particularly important to coach boys to create emotional stability for themselves, for as we can see in teenage years going into adulthood, it tends to be males that suffer most from suicidal ideation which often comes from a lack of self-esteem, self-worth and self-love.

Many boys and young men find it very hard to deal with their challenging emotions in a productive way, as this isn’t the sort of thing they learn at school or from their peers.  Parents can arm boys with the emotional resources and habits needed to create a stable emotional life. Pay attention to each of the following components: 

  1. HOME

Having a stable sense of home is imperative.  Home  should be your boys’ “safe place, ” a place they feel comfortable and settled.  The well known saying “tidy house, tidy mind” is also true when it comes to modelling stability. An organized, consistent home this has a significant effect on the whole family’s emotional health and wellbeing.


It’s important to teach your boys that they don’t need to be rich in order to be stable.  However, an income in necessary.


Teach boys that health is the foundation of a good life.  One can have all the money in the world, but without your health, life has a tendency to feel very unstable.  The term “prevention is better than cure” is true when it comes to having stability.


Education is imperative as it creates more options in life  — and the more options you have, the more emotionally secure and independent you feel.  If you have a particularly intelligent child, it’s important they are stimulated. Consider the many gifted education programs that can provide specialist support to such children.


Taking care of one’s personal appearance on a daily basis is vital for emotional health and sense of pride.  It’s important to emphasise the emotional benefit of basic routines such as brushing teeth and showering. 


In a world that seems to be suffering with an emotional epidemic of low self-esteem, low self-worth and low-confidence, it’s particularly important that we encourage children to learn to love themselves and accept themselves.  


At times, boys can feel like they aren’t in control of their emotions. Here’s how you can help your boys gain some perspective: when your son is being negative or pessimistic, remind him that “where attention goes energy flows” and “thoughts become things.”.

Help him see how a positive outlook  attracts positive events and circumstances, whereas  a negative focus can lead to an obsession with the negative. 


Mindfulness encourages us to live in the present moment and draw our attention away from what is going on ‘out there’ to ‘what is going on ‘in here.’ It encourages acknowledgement rather than attachment to our thoughts and feelings.  

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The Building Boys Bulletin

The Building Boys Bulletin Newsletter gives you the facts, encouragement, and inspiration you need to help boys thrive. Written by Jennifer L.W. Fink, mom of four sons and author of Building Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World That Misunderstands Males, Building Boys Bulletin includes:

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“I learned a lot about helping boys thrive over the past 20+ years — most of it the hard way! I’m eager to share what I’ve learned to make your path a little easier.”   – Jennifer

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