It can be very, very difficult to talk to our boys about rape culture and sexual consent. In many cases, they don’t want to hear it and we don’t want to talk about it. But it is ESSENTIAL to talk to our boys (& girls) about the importance of consent, and it ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL that our boys (& girls) know that forcible, violent rape is not the only kind of sexual intimidation or crime.
So if you have teens, print this out. Put it somewhere your boys can’t help but see it. Then, talk about it.
Notice the orange zone — “covert condom removal,” “safe word violations,” “sexual coercion” and others. Your boys (& girls) need to know that agreeing to be sexual does not give one person the right to do things the other hasn’t agreed to. This is tricky stuff; many of us women have been taught that if we’ve agreed to have sex, well, then, we have to see it all the way through, whatever happens, whether we like or want all of those activities or not. And guys are socialized to push the boundaries. They’re growing up in a culture that teaches “no means yes,” and encourages them to persuade their partner to participate in whatever activities they’d like.
We can do better. Share this graphic with your boys. Discuss — again and again and again. Together, we can change the culture.
Got a story you’d like to share? Leave it in the comments below.
