Falling Through the Cracks

Photo by kygp via Flickr
Photo by kygp via Flickr

Last month I wrote a post about a 15-year-old boy who was found with 53 baby birds in his bedroom.

Today I received an anonymous comment from a reader claiming to be the boy’s mother. I have no way of verifying her identity, but since her comments are interesting — and at least one news report does indicate that the boy was in counseling — I’m reprinting her comments her in their entirety.

Dear reader’s….I happen to to be this boy’s mother… I am so tired of people passing judgement on me as a mother.I have had trouble with my child since he was a toddler. I have taken him to doctor’s his whole life. The most they came up with was ADHD. The meds never seem to help him.He was removed from my home for a yr. to live in a therapy residental setting and was released too soon because it was costly for the state. In that year my son was out of my home his father and I attended every function. We as a family drove down to denver every weekend with out fail for family therapy. I have taken every parenting class available. I worked with my son in therapy else where for six years. I have tried everything. Yes even spanking him and that ended me up as a child abuser. So thats just a brief on what I have been dealing with. He has a long line of theft that I myself have even called the cops on him. He has been slapped on the hand his whole life. I love my son and have tried everything to make him see how he is ruining his life. I am a single mother now of 2yrs and do what I can. I dont want to see him in jail because he will only come out worse but he does need to learn from this and I hope that he does. This whole thing happened in 45 mins. A lapse of me going to work at 145 and my sister getting home at 220. So world please dont think that i dont observe my child or that im outta touch with him. The truth be told their are alot of children like mine who are over looked and failed by the system. Even more so parents like me begging for help and exhausted trying to just get them through life with what we have available to us as parents.

What do you think? Whether or not she’s the mother of the bird boy, do you think that society allows too many boys to fall through the cracks? Do you know any parents who are exhausted and frustrated from trying to get their sons the help they need?

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4 Responses

  1. By the time they’re 15, yes, they’re basically lost causes.

    Also, spanking is RARELY abuse.

  2. I think blaming the system for “failing” a child means a parent is depending on the system too much. Yes, schools, medical professionals, county social workers are all responsible to help kids but so are parents. I hear a lot of excuses for kids who misbehave. It sounds like the person who posted did try to get the boy help, but how did it get to this point? What happened (or didn’t happen) to him? And there is a point where parents have to let go and the kid has to sink or swim on their own. You just hope, as a parent, that you did a good enough job.

  3. i do think that some kids are just failed by the system. my husband and i were watching a show on ESPN the other night called E:60. it is a sports show that gives stories on special people n lots of different sports. very inspiring, as most of them are about how athletes overcome different obstacles. this particular one was about a surfer, who was very smart but around the age of 6 or 7 started with some odd behaviors. he started playing with his hair a lot, not looking people in the eyes, not understanding facial expressions, difficulties holding conversations, obsessively rubbing his hands together, and a handful of other behaviors. his doctors could not figure out what was wrong with him. i took one look at the ked and thought, “oh he’s somewhere on the autism spectrum.” why was this child not diagnosed with asperger’s until he was 18? 12 years to diagnose something WITH PROFESSIONALS when i had a good idea in 5 minutes? his mother never gave up hope, and knew there was something the doctors were missing. she just couldn’t figure it out. what was wrong with the doctors? they failed him. and because of it, this poor kid has such ridiculously low self esteem. hw was asked how he feels about surfing…a passion of his since he was 5. he said, “at least i can do something right.” his mother did everything she could do to keep her child happy, but the system broke him. he went through school being told he was lazy, uncooperative, OCD, and conceited. he only had one person on his side. yes, the system screwed this kid.

    you can see the video of the story at espn.go.com and search for clay marzo.

  4. What a sad story, Missy! Thank God he had at least one person — his Mom — on his side and one passion and outlet where he could find pleasure and worth. Just imagine how much worse of he’d be without that.

    It’s sad. I hate to see the system failing anyone. Every child that comes into this world has such potential, and I think we, as adults, owe it to the children to nurture them as much as possible.

    Thanks for sharing.


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