The Case for Not Cleaning Rooms

Consider this the Before pic.

Except calling it the “Before pic” really doesn’t do justice to reality. This picture, taken in June 2013, is a fairly accurate representation of what Boy #2’s room has looked like for, oh, the last three or four years. So not really “Before” as much as “Always.”

And call me lazy, but I don’t nag him to clean his room. Yes, part of that is laziness: I don’t want to spend my time nagging and pleading and prodding him into cleaning his room. Part of it is also empathy: I hate cleaning too, so I completely understand his desire to play games and sports and do anything other than clean his room. Another part, though, is philosophical: It’s his room. His space. Also, I don’t believe in forcing kids to do a lot of non-essential stuff.

Now, I understand that your idea of essential and non-essential might be different than mine. All families are different, and I fully support your right to determine appropriate expectations for your house, your kids and your family.

What I don’t support: Most of the arguments most parents use to rationalize their decision to force their kids into cleaning their rooms.

Arguments Made to Support Forced  Cleaning of Rooms

Argument #1: How else will he learn how to clean or keep a clean space?

I believe that every child, male and female, needs to learn the basics of home management and maintenance. But is forcing a child to clean his room really the only way to teach a child how to use a vacuum, dust or organize clothing and equipment? Of course not. Kids — well, people, really — learn best by working alongside another. Begin by saying “yes” when your toddler asks if he can help wash the dishes or vacuum the floor. Frequently work together as a family to clean a space, whether that space is the family room, the garage or the yard. Forced cleaning is not the only, or even the most effective way, to teach your child the skills he needs to someday maintain a reasonably clean living space.

Argument #2: My house, my rules.

If you think about it, this argument is pretty arrogant. It puts your wants and needs in front of your child’s, and I don’t think that’s fair. Now, before you argue, “But I paid for it!” or “I pay the bills!” or “My kids need to learn to obey me!”, pause to consider the fact that humans are incredibly diverse, with diverse needs and preferences. An optimal environment for one may look like chaos to another. What works best for you may not work well at all for your child — so is it fair to expect your child to reside in an environment that caters to your comfort zone?

Argument #3: Cleanliness is next to godliness – or, at least, equivalent to organization, which is essential for success in school.

This idea definitely has traction with some parents and educators. Check out this quote from a 2013 islandpacket.com article:

“Teaching children to be organized at home can have a positive impact on their academics…’It definitely starts at home with their bedroom,’ Howard said. ‘Make sure they make their bed and keep it clean. Giving them jobs around the house is important.'”

Giving them jobs around the house is one thing. Implying that a kid has to have an organized bedroom to do well in school is ludicrous. The resident of the messy bedroom above maintained an A average while sleeping in relative squalor. It can be done. Besides, some kids are more naturally linear and organized and others are more naturally creative and chaotic. Neither is better than the other.

Argument #4: Keeping a room clean teaches discipline. And lack of discipline is why our kids are doing so poorly in the world.

Says Jeff Click, in a KidzEdge article about whether or not kids should be required to keep clean rooms:

“From my point of view when we require our children to clean their rooms, take out the trash, wash dishes, and whatever chores we assign, we are helping them learn valuable life skills. We learn our basic skills for life within our early years, including our work ethic. Many employers bemoan the fact that the quality of workers in our day is poor.”

Yes, kids need life skills. Yes, a strong work ethic is a good thing. But it’s entirely possible to have a great work ethic and a messy room.

The Problem with Forced Cleaning

If you buy into any (or all) of the arguments above, there’s a very good chance that you will, at least occasionally, if not often, put your foot down and say, “That’s it! Go clean your room! NOW!”

I’ve been there. I’ve done it. And I’ve never found it a very effective means of — well, anything.

Forcing my kids to clean their rooms doesn’t seem to translate into a higher probability of clean rooms. It is amazing exactly how quickly and efficiently they can recreate the exact same mess.

Forcing my kids to clean their rooms doesn’t lead to increased organization, better grades or improved discipline. At my house, it results in ill will and resentment.

Forcing my kids to clean their rooms does not teach my kids essential cleaning skills. Instead, it seems to spur them to develop new ways to skip cleaning, or to do as little as possible.

Most importantly, forcing my kids to clean their rooms does not teach my kids why regular cleaning is a good idea. What does: leaving the mess until they feel the need to clean it up.

When my 14 year-old (spoiler alert!) finally decided to clean his room yesterday, he learned things such as :

• Leaving a cup (with liquid) in it for the better part of a year creates a pretty gross mess.
• Untended fish tanks STINK. And are nasty to clean.
• It takes a really, really long time to clean up a mess that’s been gestating for more than a year.
• It’s kinda fun to hang out in an organized space.

See, we parents often want to feel like we’re doing something; we want to feel as if we’re effective parents. Doing nothing seems so…lazy. Irresponsible. Uninvolved. And yet, often doing nothing  — or, what looks like nothing — yields the best, most-likely-to-last results. 

I didn’t force my son to clean his room. But he did it anyway. Yesterday, with absolutely no pushing or prodding from me or anyone else, he spent nearly six hours cleaning and rearranging his room. This is the After:

Will his room remain that clean? I doubt it. But I’m sure that he’ll be OK, either way.