Building Boys Manifesto
We Believe:
1. There’s no such thing as a “typical boy”.
All boys are different. So while boys, generally speaking, are prone to movement and risk-taking, we know that’s not true of all boys. We steer away from stereotypes.
2. All boys can succeed.
We define “success” as productive engagement with the world. All boys have something important to contribute to the world.
3. Asking a 5-year-old boy to sit still for most of the day is ridiculous.
Boys, especially young boys, learn best through play, movement and experimentation. Schools that push early academics hurt far more boys than they help.
4. Playing with sticks, swords, and toy guns is absolutely OK.
The research is clear: there is no link between “violent” play and true violence. Pretend weapons play is perfectly healthy and may help boys cope with their fears and feelings.
5. Boys cry too.
You’ll never hear us say, “man up!” in an effort to stifle emotion. For too long, boys and men have been encouraged to hide their feelings. We want to make it OK for boys to feel (and express) their emotions.
6. Understanding boys is the first step toward effectively parenting and educating boys.
Boys are different than girls, and so is their experience of the world. In order to best help our boys, we need to learn all we can about them and their experience.
7. Boys’ interests should be respected.
Too often, boys’ interests are belittled and considered “a waste of time.” But interest in anything can lead anywhere, and that’s as true for video games and sports as it is for Newtonian physics and engineering.
8. Boys deserve the facts about sex. And relationships.
It’s almost impossible to avoid porn in today’s digitally connected world. That’s why it’s more important than ever to provide our boys with accurate information regarding sex, health and contraception, and why it’s absolutely crucial to talk to our boys about love, respect and relationships as well.
9. Most adults are well-meaning.
The vast majority of teachers, coaches, and parents genuinely want to help the kids in their charge. But they don’t all understand boys, and some haven’t confronted or resolved their own issues. Sharing information and working together is more productive in effecting change than blaming and shaming.
10. Building boys will improve the world.
Healthy, confident boys grow into healthy, confident men. Together, we can expand our boys’ opportunities and make a difference for the next generation.
Building Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World that Misunderstands Males
Raising boys is important work.
We’ve all seen the horror a damaged boy can inflict upon society. So today’s parents are attempting to raise kind, compassionate, emotionally sensitive boys – in a society that misunderstands male development and proclaims The Future is Female.
Misconceptions about masculinity and male development hinder parents and harm boys.
Author Jennifer L.W. Fink, a mom of four sons, didn’t initially realize that parenting boys is very different than parenting girls or non-binary children. She thought you could parent a Child, irrespective of gender. She eventually realized that overlooking a child’s gender is as unhelpful as ignoring a child’s race because gender, like race, impacts an individual’s experience of the world.
Building Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World that Misunderstand Males shows parents how to raise confident, secure boys in an era of evolving gender norms.
Drawing on her two-plus decades of experience as a “boy mom,” Fink points out possible pitfalls (like academic expectations that are wildly out-of-sync with male development) and teaches parents how to help boys thrive despite lingering sexism and a lack of societal support.
