Did you know that Michael Landon, Vince Vaughn and Mark McGwire were all bedwetters?
I didn’t, until I read, “Bedwetting: Here’s Help,” by fellow parenting writer Kathy Sena. I did, however, know — from personal experience — that bedwetting can be a frustrating situation for both child and parent.
One of my sons wet the bed until he was almost eight. It wasn’t an every night kind of thing, but it was often enough to be annoying. Realistically, I knew the bedwetting was beyond his control. Realistically, I knew he felt embarrassed and ashamed, and I know he didn’t enjoy waking up in cold, wet jammies. Practically speaking, though, I got awfully tired of washing sheets.
But somehow, my mommy intuition knew that the bedwetting, too, would pass. The research seems to back me up on this one. According to a study published in the British Journal of Urology, if your 7-year-old is wetting the bed one to two nights per week, he has a 96% of outgrowing it by the time he’s 15. Obviously, if the bedwetting continues — or if you have any other concerns about your child’s health — you should take him to see a healthcare provider.
For whatever reason, boys are twice as likely to wet to the bed as girls. As Dr. Howard Bennett, a clinical professor of pediatrics at George Washington University Medical Center and author of Waking Up Dry: A Guide to Help Children Overcome Bedwetting, says, bedwetting, “happens because a child’s brain and bladder are not communicating with each other at night.”
Remember that bedwetting is likely to become a problem if you make it a problem. If you handle it in a business-like manner instead, with dignity and respect, your son will view you as a ally, someone he can count on in times of need.
Did your son wet the bed? What advice would you give to other parents?
18 Responses
Both my son and daughter had trouble with bedwetting until about 8 or 9 years old. I did some research and talked to other parents and felt comfortable that they would eventually outgrow – which they did.
Jennifer, what a terrific post. Thanks for linking to my blog here, and I’m glad we got this conversation started! I think your last paragraph says it all. Handle the situation in a business-like manner and with dignity and respect (even when you’re really tired of doing laundry!). I just added a P.S. to my post with a link back here. I think parents who are dealing with this need to hear good advice from a mom who has been there. Thanks.
Thank you for this. I know my brother-in-law had a terrible time bedwetting. My husband did as well, to a lesser extent (and stopped without any help once his older brother did).
My son is just 18 months old so I don’t know what the future will bring. Right now he’s way too busy to be aware of his bowels even after he’s gone so we’ve a long way to go. I use cloth so another year (or more) in diapers won’t break the bank.
Kathy — Thanks so much for the P.S.!
Mel — Did you know that bedwetting tends to run in families? That’s not to scare you at all; it’s just to let you know that some suspect their may be a genetic something behind bedwetting, at least in some cases. Was your husband also a deep sleeper as a child?
My husband did and was shamed and punished. One of our sons did and he was hugged and loved.
He was fine in the daytime, but didn’t wake up at night, and also was a sleepwalker sometimes. So we gave him the option to wear a diaper or not at night, extra large Huggies until he grew out of those, and then smallest adult diapers. We didn’t make a big deal about it at all. We knew it would pass when he was older.
People say those diapers are “too expensive.” I figured I had a child who was healthy, didn’t need a wheelchair or surgeries or fulltime attendants, and so $3 or $4 worth of diapers a week was a small price to pay for his comfort and sleep. And a diaper is less expensive than a load of laundry.
I think “businesslike” lacks the love and sympathy a child can use. If it’s treated as a part of growing up in a loving family, perhaps “casual” would be better than “business.” And using the word “bedwetter” (a very old English word, and never a friendly or complimentary one) is less compassionate than moms should be too, in my experience.
My son was nine when he developed whatever awareness and physical maturity was needed for him to last the night. He’s grown now, and a very good man who doesn’t need to spend money on therapy to overcome childhood trauma.
Factor that into the cost now too. Disposable diapers are way less than counselling. And they’re an investment into the peace of your grandchildren.
I remember having a problem when I was my son’s age and a little older, and I also remember some humiliating episodes involving unsympathetic family members. The few times my son has wet the bed at night, he has woken up crying. I have tried to calm him down, get him changed and the bed cleaned up without focusing too much on what happened since it is not something he can control, all while I am half-asleep. I think his bedwetting right now is due to the fact that he is fairly recently completely potty-trained and I don’t believe it is going to be a regular problem. But I will be remembering my grandmother’s advice — always have a set of sheets on the shelf, one on the bed and one in the laundry. It has come in handy so far.
Sandra,
As always, you bring words of wisdom. I definitely agree that a warm, loving attitude would be far better than a business-like one. You also make an extremely good point about the cost of diapers!
Nancy,
Grandma had some good advice! Plastic lined mattress pads are great too.
I know bedwetting sometimes runs in families, but I’m really not too worried. If Aidan starts having issues his Grandma will have a wealth of knowledge for us to build upon.
My husband is a very, very deep sleeper. I could wake up to a pin dropping on carpet. My son is a very, very light sleeper just like I am (unfortunately).
I know this is an old thread but it’s a new one to me so I will comment. I have 2 sons age 9 and 16 that are both struggling with bed-wetting. My 9 yr old still has nightly accidents and my 16 yr old has maybe 3 dry nights a week. Both of my boys were potty trained by the time they were 18 months old and neither ever had day time problems after that. And when I use the word “struggling”, it is more our struggle as parents than a struggle for our boys. Bed-wetting and absorbent underpants are really just part of our normal routine and life and neither of them are particularly bothered by it. Of course, they both are motivated to stop but their self-esteem and general psychological health seem to be normal. I think this is because of the way we have always handled the situation. Before they were school-aged, they didn’t really have an opinion or option about wearing diapers or absorbent underpants. but for both of them, as they became more aware, we gave them a choice about how they managed their bed-wetting. My older son began protesting wearing protection about the same time he entered kindergarten,so we let him make the choice to stop wearing diapers at night. It lasted about a week and he got tired of waking up in a wet bed. My younger son has never protested. I think this is because it is just a normal thing..seeing his brother wearing protection also. In any case, I think it is important to deal with the issues as they come up, but to make the whole problem as normal a part of their life as possible. On a footnote, I wet the bed fairly regularly until I was 14, so I do think it is partially a genetic trait. My oldest takes medication when we travel or if he is spending the night away from home and that is very helpful.
@Chris — Your boys are lucky to have you for a mom! Thanks for sharing your story and your experience.
Bedwetting in a teen can be like a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Give them understandng and love… and allow them to be part of the decision making process as to how to deal with these issues. The use of protective undergarments, i.e. bedwetter pants, pullups, and /or diapers should be made available. Dont forget there are many…many other boys and girls going thru the same issue nightly. Again Love and Support.
Hi Jennifer,
I hope it’s not too late to comment on this thread. I have a blog which talks about the different types of diapers available to manage bedwetting. The blog is geared toward those individuals who have not had any luck curing their bedwetting. It’s on the Blogger website and it’s called “Tips on Managing Bedwetting” I thought your readers might be interested in this site. I’ve read a fair amount about bedwetting and one of the things I’ve noticed is that most pediatricians and other medical professionals counsel against the use of diapers to manage the problem with older children and teenagers.These people recommend garments such as pull-ups and “Goodnites” instead. T.Berry Brazleton is one of the famous pediatricians who doesn’t seem to have a problem with older children wearing diapers to deal with the issue. He said this in a column of his from several years ago-“I’ve had many children in my practice who were enuretic(bedwetters) and needed to wear diapers.” The reason I’m bringing this up is that although many cases of nocturnal enuresis(the clinical term for bedwetting) can be cured using alarms,medicines,as well as other methods,some people don’t have any luck with these treatments and have to deal with bedwetting their entire lives. In fact I’ve heard that anywhere from 1 to 3% of adults wet the bed.I’ve even heard figures as high as 5 %. In cases like that it would be best to wear diapers to bed to maintain hygiene(lying all night in wet sheets and clothing can have detrimental effects on the skin),to avoid having to take care of wet laundry,as well as to be considerate of your significant other.
Many bedwetters wet profusely and/or multiple times at night and in some cases leak through the pull-ups and “Goodnites”. A lot of parents as well as adult bedwetters might not be aware of the fact that there are other options to manage the bedwetting besides these types of garments. For instance there are pin-on cloth diapers,plastic pants(also known as rubber pants even though this is a misnomer),as well as disposable tape tab diapers(also called disposable briefs) that will fit older children,teenagers,as well as adults that wet the bed.
I realize that there is a great deal of stigma surrounding the use of diapers but in some cases there the best option. I hope this helps your readers.
Jennifer, you make some excellent points and I also found myself extremely frustrated washing sheets all the time and it’s hard not to immediately relate the problem to your child being lazy, or having a medical problem, and becoming quite frankly – angry. I knew I had to do some research before going to the doctor because I’m just the researcher kind of lady. Well I was shocked to see how many people tend to either not talk about it with their children (in my case my son) and how many actually use punishment and other tactics which are extremely detrimental to them being confident and overcoming the problem. I felt ashamed that I had even showed some frustrated emotions on my face, despite not being verbally in that way.
If anyone else hasn’t tried a bed wetting alarm it can help if your child isn’t stigmatized by it or feels like they are different from others. As the person above me said, stigma can come from diapers, and if it does you should do everything possible to remove using them if possible because it will alienate and worsen the problem in some children. But it is exactly that with around 90% of cases, the development of the brain and bladder signal ready to urinate simply isn’t strong enough or isn’t conditioned enough to wake them from their sleep. It’s the common case where they are peeing in their dream, and also peeing in their bed at the same time; but not realizing it. Reconditioning this response through Pavlov’s theories is the science behind the bed wetting alarm.
The biggest thing is confidence however and encouraging a child. This doesn’t necessarily mean rewarding good behavior as that can backfire too if they are being rewarded but still failing to curb the problem. SO if you try rewards, make sure to stop after 7 – 10 days, as it could go the opposite direction. Not getting upset and talking aloud in the other room about how frustrated you are with them in close proximity and other damaging emotional things can help a lot more than you might think, and I hope everyone finds this information useful in helping their child beat the problem.
I am 16 years old and currently wet the bed, I’m not a mother but i just thought i would share. I am dry between 1 to 2 nights a week and it’s every other night is like a tsunami. Visualize in your head a tall 6’4 male in high school with a girlfriend preparing for college and campus life and social fluctuation. Could you imagine the pain i feel as i scarf down the first three pills in my 1 pill prescribed bottle with no results on numerous occasions. Or the alarms that make everyone around me cranky but to me its just a bird chirping in my dream. I’ve just got the courage to tell my girlfriend who i’ve been seeing for 8 months. Before you make the judgement that you think it’s harder to deal with this as a parent then you really don’t understand the extent of the problem and how your child may feel. It sucks.
If you aren’t waking up to the sound of the alarm, I know some bedwetting alarms use vibration to wake the user. Here’s one that let’s you attach a vibrating unit– http://bedwettingstore.com/rodger-wireless-bedwetting-alarm-dual.html. Watch the first video. It’s pretty powerful. They normally recommend sticking it under the mattress cause it shakes so much but if you’re a deep sleeper I imagine you can put it right beside you. The alarm also lets you adjust the volume so you can turn the sound completely off if that isn’t helpful for you
You’re right, @Anonymous. Bedwetting is absolutely harder on the child than the parents. I hope you find some answers, and I hope that your girlfriend is accepting and understanding. Good luck!
I too hope that Anonymous’ girlfriend is accepting and understanding. Just a wonder though, has your bed wetting become more frequent after starting high school, getting a girlfriend, having lots of social pressures etc?
Not really, if anything it has toned down from every night to every other night. But it’s an unpredictable circumstance. A good technique for me is trying the many things they tell you to do at 5 or 6 and trying them ten years later at 15 or 16 because they tend to be more effective. My girlfriend and social pressures, as you say, give me more mature things to strive for as to drop my emotionally immature situation.