Back-to-school season can stir up a lot of anxiety—especially if your son has struggled with school before.
Maybe he already says he hates school. Maybe homework regularly ruins your evenings. Maybe you’re worried about reading, behavior or whether his teacher will see the bright, capable boy you know—or simply the boy who can’t sit still.
You don’t have to solve every possible problem before school begins. But it helps to know where to turn when problems arise.
I’ve spent more than 20 years writing about boys and school while raising four sons through homeschooling, public school, homework battles, teacher conferences and graduations. Here are some of my best resources for the challenges moms of boys face most often.
When he says he hates school
Don’t assume “I hate school” means “I hate learning.” Your son may be bored, anxious, socially uncomfortable, overwhelmed or struggling with something he can’t yet explain.
Instead of telling him school will be fine, help him identify what isn’t fine.
What to Do With a Boy Who Hates School
When homework takes over your family
Homework resistance isn’t one problem. A boy may be confused, exhausted, overwhelmed, uninterested—or simply unwilling to do something he doesn’t want to do.
Figuring out which problem you’re dealing with can help you respond without turning every evening into a battle.
How to Get Boys to Do Homework, Part 1
When Boys Refuse to Do “Stupid” Homework
When he can’t sit still
School asks children to spend a lot of time sitting, listening, waiting and controlling their bodies. That’s difficult for many boys.
A need for movement isn’t necessarily disrespect or defiance. If your son frequently gets in trouble, work with his teacher to identify when problems happen, what precedes them and what helps him reengage.
Why Kids Can’t Sit Still in School: View From an 8-Year-Old
When reading is a struggle
Comics, graphic novels, manuals, sports statistics, online articles and video-game text all count as reading.
Instead of focusing on the books adults think boys should enjoy, help your son discover that reading can give him information, entertainment and access to the things he already cares about.
When middle school changes him
Your once-chatty son may become private, reactive, forgetful and apparently allergic to conversation.
He still needs connection—even if he no longer wants it on your schedule or in your preferred form. Stay available, stay curious and resist treating every difficult behavior as a problem to eliminate.
What Parents Need to Know About Middle School Boys
When you suspect school may be part of the problem
Sometimes, an intelligent and curious boy struggles because his school environment doesn’t offer enough movement, autonomy, challenge or hands-on learning.
You’re allowed to question whether the environment is serving your son. Get curious, gather information and work with his teachers—but don’t be afraid to advocate persistently when something needs to change.
School Not Working for Your Son? Try This
Is School Helping Your Son—or Hurting Him?
You don’t have to manage every moment
Your son will encounter challenges at school. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed—or that you need to anticipate and prevent every one of them.
Pay attention. Listen. Help him make sense of what happens. Remind him that his performance at school is not the sum total of who he is.
He doesn’t need you to control his school experience.
He needs you in his corner.
