Speak Up!

It’s the kind of story that breaks your heart. Two boys, ages 2 1/2 and 5, starved and beaten to the point of malnutrition and dehydration. Cops investigated and removed the boys from the home after the landlord reported not seeing the boys outside for some time.

While every single aspect of this story makes my skin crawl — the guy was persuing a Master’s in teaching? — the most chilling line, in my opinion, comes at the end of the story. “I believe we’re also at fault,” a neighbor told the AP, ” ‘cuz we all saw something and nobody said anything.”

According to the neighbor, theirs was very much a mind-your-own-business neighborhood. So while the neighbors saw and discussed the boys’ absence, no one — but the landlord — did anything.

It’s sobering, really, the power that we have. With a word, we can improve someone’s day. With our silence, we can condemn a child to another day of starvation.

It’s so easy to get caught up in our own families, our own jobs and our own lives But there are children and parents next to us, beside us, who need us.

Yes, we hesitate to interfere in others’ lives. Our is a very disconnected, independent society, and to comment on another’s parenting is often seen as an intrusion of personal privacy. But think about it. Remember how good you felt when the old lady at church commented positively on your boys’ behavior after Sunday services? Or how much you appreciated the sympathetic looks at the grocery store when your son melted down?

The truth is, raising children is a group endeavor. We all have a responsibility to the children of our community — to the children of the world. And while none of us can independently eradicate child abuse or world hunger, we can make a difference on the local level. Imagine if those neighbors had called the cops earlier, or if one had knocked on the door to offer a casserole.

Yesterday, I saw a woman sitting on the curb at WalMart. She was calm and peaceful. Her son was not. He was storming, pouting and otherwise whining. His mom just sat there, the wind blowing in her hair. I was curious, but didn’t say a word. Then her words floated through my open van window: “We’ll go in,” she said, “when you pull it together.” Instantly, I understood what was going on. I’d been there before, and I have to say that half the time, I don’t look nearly as self-composed as that mom did. I rolled down my window. “You’re doing a great job,” I told her. She smiled, and sat on the curb.

It was a moment, but a moment that may have been significant. Imagine how different the world would be if we spoke up, helped our neighbors and supported their parenting.

The Building Boys Bulletin

The Building Boys Bulletin Newsletter gives you the facts, encouragement, and inspiration you need to help boys thrive. Written by Jennifer L.W. Fink, mom of four sons and author of Building Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World That Misunderstands Males, Building Boys Bulletin includes:

The Building Boys Bulletin is funded by direct subscriptions from readers like you. If you’d like the full experience, please consider becoming a paying subscriber.

“I learned a lot about helping boys thrive over the past 20+ years — most of it the hard way! I’m eager to share what I’ve learned to make your path a little easier.”   – Jennifer

You May Also Enjoy

5 Responses

  1. That’s a tough one, Jennifer. I agree with you that we SHOULD speak up but often we are unsure of what we are seeing. To not see those boys could have meant any number of things and I would bet those neighbors weighed the cost of falsely casting suspicion where it wasn’t warranted vs. maybe getting it right. In this case, saying something would have been on the money and it would have saved those little boys from unnecessary pain and suffering. It’s a very fine line. I suppose we need to really access and rely upon our wisdom and discernment when making the call. Great post. It reminds us to keep not just our eyes open, but our minds and hearts as well.

  2. While we do hesitate to interfere in the lives of others it is usually obvious when something is really wrong. Sometimes a little off is hard to tell but in a situation like this is had to be really wrong seeming to the neighbors.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Building Boys: Raising Great Guys in a World That Misunderstands Males

Building Boys

You can purchase the newest book from Building Boys at the following websites: